Workout tips that don't suck

Resolution gang - I've got you

When I started writing this entry I was on a real high from my strongest workout since I hurt my knee a year and a half ago. Then reality crashed me back to earth as I looked down at my surgically repaired devil of a joint the next morning and saw a swollen mass of fleshy grotesquery.

So, I’m in the midst of a gym break and I’m going a little crazy. (This is a lie, I worked out today and it was horrible.) But I thought I would share some of my workout tips for everyone who is getting back in the gym for the Resolution Season.

We both know that you don’t need me to post my workout or give you the same advice that every first week of January “dO THiS WoRkoUt 4 MaxImUM GaiNZ” post. You can find that elsewhere. These are just a few tips to help you stay safe in the gym and maybe even assist your mentality.

These suggestions will range from super obvious to, “Huh, I never thought of that,” so your mileage will vary. However, I honestly think that if you’re really committing to the idea of improving your health with exercise there is something in here for you. The gym is fun.

Wash your hands before and after your workout

If there is one thing that you need to start doing at the gym, it’s this. Do you know what sort of monsters enter the gym before you? I’ll tell you - it’s high school kids and they are dripping with viscous mucous. If they are anything like the HS gang at my gym, all they do is hang out. Sniffling between sets and putting their hands all over equipment they don’t even use while they feign boxing matches in the aisles. It’s disgusting.

Wash.

Your.

Hands.

Find a way to get a squat-like exercise into your routine

Yeah, I hate squats too. But you don’t need to load up the bar and then do a few half-range reps to make a difference. Air squats may not be the sexiest exercise, but they will make a big difference if you’re just starting out.

Doing squats without weight will get more blood to your legs, improve your joint mobility, and activate your quads.

Studies show that quad strength is directly correlative with longevity. If you’re not into squats, just doing the leg press without extra weight is over 100 lbs.

Stretch. Please, stretch.

Yeah, I hate stretching too. We all do. But you really need to do it after your workout to stay limber. Especially if you’re lifting heavy weights. I am so bad at doing this, but I know that after I lift, I need to get my legs to return from Jell-O land. Stretching does this and you can add it at the end of your workout.

Here is a super simple stretching plan that can equalize your walking gait after a long day in the Iron Paradise Hellscape.

Try a backwards treadmill

Several months ago, a few weeks into my return to the gym after knee surgery, I wore my massive knee brace to the gym and began my regular workout. As I was loading the squat rack, a very intimidating heavily tattooed man approached me and pointed at my knee brace. I took out my AirPods and entered the conversation en media res as he was telling me about his torn meniscus and asked about my injury.

Now, I’m not very social at the gym. I used to walk around with a scowl and an angry face because, well, that’s what I was at the gym. But now I am an old, so I’m [apparently] a lot more chill-looking and approachable. I hate it.

At [what I hoped was] the end of our conversation, he asked me if I had tried walking on a backward treadmill before. I said, “No, never heard of it” and he made me promise to try it that session. I agreed because I wanted to re-enter the safety of my Soccer Podcast, but I ended up trying it, and - this dude is now my hero.

I have so much more stability in both of my legs, not just my injured knee. I do 5 minutes at the end of every workout now to reinforce the behavior. It’s awesome.

Start with a podcast; Upgrade to a playlist

This one is really niche, but I find that music will amp my workouts into new spaces. I also know that I don’t always need that. In fact, I almost never need that. I rarely enter the “Jesus, how much preworkout did that guy take?!” zone anymore and it’s not just because I have sworn off preworkout forever. Turns out it’s really bad for you. Sorry, bro.

I find that podcasts put me in a more even headspace. Even though my podcasts are mostly British people talking about the Premier League and comedians talking about True Crime - that’s what works for me. When I am feeling great, I will go back to a more hardcore workout playlist headlined by DMX and Jeezy.

Or if I’m in the middle, CVS Bangers on Spotify (aka: the greatest playlist ever - you’re welcome.)

Ghost Protocol

The thing about going to the gym or making a lifestyle change to prioritize your help is that everyone wants to give you their workouts, insight, or perspective. The only thing that matters is that you’re doing it. You’re making the change. You’re improving the quality of your life. And if you do it long enough, you will reap rewards you didn’t even know were possible.

Tune out the noise. Do the work at your own pace. When you are in the gym, you owe nothing to anyone but yourself. Ghost all idiots.

Thanks again for subscribing to the LacroCity newsletter. I appreciate you so much. Later this month we’re going to go through the first few pieces of my preseason lacrosse curriculum at Haus of Athletes and the process of building my other venture - Framework Lacrosse Academy.

PS: The college lacrosse season is less than 30 days away.