Welcome to “This Head Sucks”, a series on the worst lacrosse heads ever made. Kids, you have no idea how easy you have it. The stick you have right next to you, or in your car, is the culmination of decades of research and development. It’s also the result of dozens of experiments that were complete and abject failures the likes of which the lacrosse world will likely never see again. However, those who do not respect their history are doomed to repeat it. So, in that spirit, I am here to educate you on some of the most egregious failures of design, execution, and effort to ever sully our great game. This week we will be taking a look at the streaming heap of Triceratops feces known as the Brine Asset.
I hate this head. I have always hated this head. Tweets are receipts:
Who is it For: Allegedly this was supposed to be an offensive head. Oh, it’s offensive all right, it’s hard to string, has idiotically shaped triangle holes of varying size and location (that get SMALLER as they taper away from key points of connection) and appears to rip off a head that was made nearly seven years earlier: the STX Hype. At least with the Hype you had a recessed channel for the stringing holes to slink down and hold the mesh (and presumably the ball) like a hammock (but the kind for bananas, not for lounging). The lower rail has zero stringing holes. So does the top rail. They just...float. It’s just functionless plastic that hangs down...to make the head look normal? Why? I suppose the idea was that by pushing the bottom stringing hole allotment closer to the face, the pocket would shift upward...except the maximum offset point quite clearly is not built for that.
Tangent: Maximum offset point is where pockets should be strung to take full advantage of the design. Pick up any head and look at it from the side. Now, the lowest point of that bottom rail is where you should build the pocket in 90% of men’s lacrosse heads. It is usually located about ⅓-⅔ of the way up from the throat to the scoop. Can you put the pocket elsewhere? Yes, and a lot of people do - shout out to the “i wAnT tONs oF HolD bUt zEro wHiP, plZ.” kids. You’re the worst. If you’re a stringer, you already knew.
Why it Sucks: The scoop is horrendous; it’s sharp and unforgiving, just like this review and my heart. The offset is preposterous and almost non-functional because, as discussed above, the deepest offset point is inaccessible. The throat is inexplicably left open (though this is a design characteristic of numerous Brine heads circa 2009-2014) so the breakage rate is going to be higher because of all that thick luscious plastic at the base.
All you sidewall maximalists, this head is why it took so long for that characteristic to fully manifest in future designs. Yes, the Asset is what sets back micromanaging your pockets another five years. That and you guys wouldn’t stop talking about channels and hook long enough to realize that face shape and offset apex is what really makes the head what it is. Oh, and that’s another thing - the face shape on this is, at best, average even for the time. Flare? What’s flare? This is a triangle drawn by a child watching television and eating ice-cream. There are bad designs and then there are designs that are so baffling that you struggle to understand the point - like someone trying to tell you a joke, but they get to the end and there’s no punchline.
One Good Thing: It’s...moderately stiff? I mean, look at all those unnecessary struts. It had better have some measure of rigidity. I just…no, you know what? I can’t...why is there an ENTIRE ROW OF STRINGING HOLES ON THE FRONT FACING SIDEWALL RAIL? What are those for? Who are those for? The more I look at this head the angrier I get because it does not make any sense.
Scale of Trash: It’s so bad that it was only advertised in the market for a year (but somehow in the Brine catalog for much longer, gotta make that money back for the mold somehow) and was in clearance bins months before the [retail] year of 09/10 was finished. This thing was originally going for 90 bucks! You can still find it online in some of the usual haunts, but even in the age of price gouging, it rarely sells for over 20 dollars. That only happens in two cases: the head is super old but has a massive supply on the secondary market OR the head was terrible and even the most guileless eBayer knows it.
Usability: Under no circumstances should anyone try to find and string this head. Yes, I’m sure you stringing nerds could find a way to make a pocket work in this thing, but should you? Do you really want to dedicate the half-hour of your life that would be necessary? We all have better things to do. Actually, you know what? If you have one of these - disclaimer: do NOT buy this head - string one of those fancy “inside” pockets in this and send pictures to the @Lacrocity Twitter and Instagram. Good luck.
Overall Rating: Zero. I give it a zero. I wouldn’t want my worst enemy playing with this thing. Every aspect of the Asset’s head design is a conceptual farce.
Sold well at tournaments for 35.00. Had to move them somehow!