PLL Team Previews: Waterdogs and Whipsnakes
It was the Worst of Teams; It was the Best of Teams...
A Whip is an official of a political party whose task is to ensure party discipline in a legislature. This means ensuring that members of the party vote according to the party platform, rather than according to their own individual ideology or the will of their donors or constituents. Whips are the party's "enforcers".
Waterdogs
Biggest Strength: Total Defensive Revamp
Last year I hated the Waterdogs defense and claimed that the offense was just a bunch of tweeners thrown together and expected to not all dodge to the same spot. I was absolutely right about both things. As soon as Zach Currier got hurt in the opening game against the Atlas it was all over for the aqua pups. But this year - this year it’s an entirely new look down low and it was desperately needed. The offense never looked comfortable, but at least they scored goals. The defense was a wild smoothie made by a feral piano teacher with poison berries and spoiled yogurt. Matches were always wrong and teams picked them apart with, well, picks. To remedy that problem, coach Copelan made some Theo-Epstein-type moves in the offseason. Dillon Ward is finally going to get a chance to see what the dirt/turf pellets in a PLL crease smell like and I couldn’t be happier for him. The starting defense could (and should) be completely new players. Eli Gobrecht, Liam Byrnes, and Ben Randall as a unit are actually an All-Star defense in the MLL; in the PLL it’s going to take some time to gel, but it’s already lightyears more advanced than what was put out in 2020.
Biggest Weakness: Still too many of the same player on offense
That weakness I mentioned before? That’s still true, just to a lesser degree. The addition of Michael Sowers REALLY helps - as does the long-haired joy barker known as Mikie Schlosser - but it’s not enough to offset the “same same but different” nature of this entire offense. Alley dodge, kick to the wing or X, spin the ball, everyone else watching. Maybe take a shot. Repeat. You absolutely, unequivocally cannot play this brand of lacrosse in the PLL. It’s embarrassing. Pull defenders out and dodge and dump to your heart’s content, but listless feet nailed to the ground spread/junk ball will not get you to 10 goals a game. It just won’t. This offense remains bad, regardless of personnel, until they prove that they’re not and anyone else that says otherwise is a fairweather fanatic or didn’t watch any of the games from last summer. Prove us all wrong and use Michael Sowers better than Duke did for an entire season. Please.
Player to Watch: Ryan Brown, Shooter
Hmm. Shooter. At least, that’s what Ryan Brown was before the last two seasons. Brown has struggled to regain his Team USA 2018 form in the last two seasons in the PLL. But, to be fair, he was grossly misused by the Atlas in both campaigns. Like any pure shooter, Brown needs reps to score goals. Playing with a team full of ball hogs makes it hard to do that, especially when the ghost (Eric Law) is stealing your bunnies by teleporting to the far crease like Nightcrawler. But listen - all snipers need spotters. Brown has a generational one in Michael Sowers. But teams are going to slide off of Brown until he makes his shots again. Patience is a virtue, but a change of scenery might do more for both parties than anyone can conceive of.
Favorite Player: Mikie Schlosser, Dodging Midfielder
Yay! I love to write about Schlosser. I’ll never run out of adjectives to describe how much fun he is clearly having the entire time that he’s on the field. It is infectious and pure in the same way that a new puppy comes to love its family. He’s either going to have a great time running box to [sub]box and he will get his sweeps and long runs, or he’s going to be shut off and smile in the top corner of the field. Either way, I’m just happy the dude gets to play lacrosse and wear the scally cap that John Grant junior’s wife bought for him after games. What a delight it must be to have your new favorite player in purple and lilac, Waterdog fans. Enjoy him. Take care of him. Or else.
Whipsnakes
Biggest Strength: Total Squad Cohesion
I mean, what is everyone else even doing? The two-time champion Whipsnakes picked up reinforcements all over the field this offseason. I mean, it’s bound to happen when you absorb an entire league and only add one team, but...the way that Stagnitta and company have added pieces all over the field has been impressive. The Cannons expansion draft actually helped them free up roster spots. It was incredible. Look at some of the additions:
Ryan Tierney, the most electric goalscorer in the NCAA in 2021.
Kevin Reisman, the man that led the Cannons to their second MLL title.
Chris Aslanian, a vicious lefty shooter, and playmaker, that no one is even talking about.
Charlie Hayes, the most coldblooded and heartless SSDM to ever set foot on a lacrosse field.
Matt Abbott, the man who DEFINED the ideal of a utility midfielder in the pro game.
Biggest Weakness: …
There isn’t one. I’m serious. This team is as complete as I have ever seen in my life. Consider this a jinx if you want, but at least I didn’t say three pe - OW! What was…? Stags? Come on, man! How did you even get in here? Wh-what is that? HOW DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE! Fine. I said, fine! Okay, okay - I won’t say it.
The pressure of winning another title is not there. We put it there because we impose the need for teams to be great. For franchises to be dynasties. But that’s not how this team operates. They just play their brand of furious and fast (in that order) lacrosse without any regard for how sick they look or how dirty their highlights are. This team wants to batter you into submission and shove you in a locker. Straight up, it’s a team full of Maryland bullies and if you think otherwise then you need to go back a few paragraphs and collect your brain.
Player to Watch: Mike Chanenchuk, The Best Two-Point Shooter Ever
How is it that when leagues, pundits, and the media talk about two-pointers that they always forget Mike Chanenchuk? Have you ever seen a stat sheet? Do you just watch the hype videos? Is Sergio Perkovic’s hair and/or smile that much more alluring than reality? Mike Chanenchuk - 16 PLL games played, 14 regular goals, nine two-pointers buried. This man straight up blasts the ball. The craziest part of his dominance behind the line is that his wind-up is almost nonexistent. His power is straight legs to core; he barely needs a run-up to get the velocity that other players need three or four steps to generate. Seriously. Watch this highlight package and then cut the check.
Favorite Player: Matt Rambo, Pure X Attackman
Yes, the only thing purer than Matt Rambo’s charming naivete on Twitter is his actual playstyle. Chef Rambo with his Whiteclaws and his giggly inside jokes with all of Philly/Maryland #laxtwitter is not the same dude that plays for the Whips in games. He’s not even the guy that has to go back to the locker room to put a hoodie on because it’s cold. No. The Matt Rambo that suits up and plays for the Whipsnakes is different. The latest buzzy term in coaching circles is “Compete Level” and while I am not someone that automatically falls in line with buzzwords or trends, the notion of a player having an extra gear - especially in games - vibrates with truth. Matt Rambo is the opposite of a practice hero. He’s a competitor that is constantly and consistently written off despite his very tangible results. I am done letting his affable nature fool me and you should be, too.