Hawk Talk, ep. 3: Coach-Voice

A vacation? In this economy?

Well.

I’m yelling again.

I could blame it on the two practices that were 2/3 attended during vacation week. But I won’t. I’ll take the heat.

I’m not really addicted to anything, except maybe my FIFA career mode tinkering, so I shouldn’t speak on addiction with any real authority. It’s a serious thing, not a joke. But I do know that recovery is an ongoing process. And I am a recovering “coach-voice” [ab]user.

I should explain.

I have this thing called “coach-voice”. It’s sort of a cross between my regular voice amplified by the echo-maker that is my giant head and a guttural demonic bass. I developed it by screaming at College players for 12 years. You see, anyone can yell. But when yelling turns into something a little more frightening, that’s when it takes on a different power. The first time someone hears my coach-voice, they usually stop in their tracks and look to see what sort of creature could have reached that level of visceral emotive energy. When they see that it’s me, the reaction is seldom muted. I’ve repressed it for most of my tenure at Hopkinton.

Sure, I yell at games. I yell so much that a scorekeeper came up to me after a game and addressed me as the head coach. When I told her that I wasn’t, she looked very very confused and walked away shaking her head.

The voice and tone that I use during games are very loud, but it’s not “coach voice” loud. It has a high volume, but it lacks that depth of rage that empowers the coach-voice.

I used coach-voice yesterday at practice.

And you know what? It felt good. Like when you dump too many Skittles into your hand and see that half of them are red before you jam them into your gullet. The problem wasn’t that I used it, but I used it when I didn’t have to. I was frustrated and pissed off and let it sort of flow from the knot in my stomach out through my throat and into the world.

Everyone froze.

I caught myself before I launched into a tirade. But that negative energy was out and - to be honest - I had trouble putting the evil genie back in the bottle.

I’m worried. I’m frustrated. I’m stressed.

That’s what being a coach is.

But the other side of it is managing those negative emotions and not letting your players see it.

I’ve done a bad job of that last part.

I can’t fix everything. Really, I can’t “fix” anything - all I can do is guide with a lighter hand. I have to leave the coach-voice at home.

Three games this week. Three games next week.

Go Hawks.