I have played sports my entire life. Soccer, basketball (I’m five fouls and a bucket, okay?) wrestling, track, and lacrosse. My parents went to all the games/meets they could - I knew they had to juggle my three siblings - so, when they were there, I appreciated their presence.
What my parents DIDN’T do, was yell things at me during games.
I’ve spent the better part of my summer on lacrosse sidelines. I have watched dozens of games where parents have legitimately lost their minds on refs, opposing players, and their kids. Yelling truly awful and harmful things to all of those parties and even other parents. I wish I were exaggerating. I really wish that I was.
But I’m not.
I have heard more awful trash talk from parents than any players I’ve seen (except this one kid from New York who kept yelling “kiss my ring” every time he screwed up. Which…I feel like that’s an outlier.)
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
This has to stop or at least be reduced.
Because…I have to tell you, you sound very, very ignorant. A lot of parents don’t even know the rules and jeer every hit, check, and goal. Like…not every check is a slash. Not every hit is a penalty. And - oh my god, I can’t believe I’m about to say this - not every ref is bad at their job.
Oh, and yelling “Wheels"!” will not make your kid run any faster.
There is a common practice amongst college coaches that maybe you don’t know about. So let me pull back the curtain. Some coaches will sometimes write “110” next to a player that has a very vocal parent on the sidelines.
That doesn’t mean that the player is “110 percent recruitable”.
It means the opposite.
Because when the coaches go home and review the book, they add a diagonal line betwixt the “1s” and it becomes “N0”.
Getting smashed by a great team in club ball is an unfortunate reality that you will all have to face. I get that you’re paying all of this money and it’s very stressful, but turning into a foul-mouthed sailor in a folding chair is not the way.
I’m not mad at you; I’m annoyed with you.
And so is your kid.
There is an argument to be made that yelling encouraging things to the entire team is well within reason. And that’s fair. I guess I’m okay with it. But…in my experience, that positivity is scarce. Roughly 5-15% of the things I have heard this summer, in particular, have been constructive.
So, if you’re a parent reading this - is there a way that I can help you to understand the game better? Why do you scream all game long? Shoot me a DM on Twitter or Instagram and ask me/tell me whatever you want. I’ll keep it anonymous and we can have a dialogue. Just explain it to me.
Stop embarrassing your kids.
Please.
Spot on. I see it too. Parents berating children, yelling "wheels" while looking like they couldn't run a block. Coaches calling kids names and cursing (we see you MM). I see players on the field taking this verbal abuse, their body language showing their embarrassment as their shoulders drop and their heads look down. If you are yelling anything other than positive cheers and encouragement, you are what is wrong with this game, and why kids often quit before they even learn proper fundamentals.
As to refs - yes, it is a tough job, and you don't make much. You get yelled at, sometimes a lot. Often it is an ignorant parent who doesn't like the call you correctly made. Sometimes you are wrong, and that's OK - we are human.
But ask yourself these questions:
--Am I in good enough shape to get myself in position to properly call a game?
--Do I run up and down the field, or do I barely move?
--Do I really understand the rules, and do I fairly interpret them given the age and skill level of the players?
--Do I explain infractions to the players involved, and tell the coach what the call is about, or do I just throw the flag and point to the offender?
--Perhaps most importantly...do I talk to the coaches before the game and let them know that any verbal abuse of the players, coaches, refs, or other parents will be rewarded with a penalty for the offending team?
I have seen some great refs, and I have seen some lousy ones. I watched two dads get thrown out of tournaments this past Summer, both of whom went way over the line in abusing the refs. Had there been a pregame chat with the coaches, the ref taunting and resulting ejections might have been avoided. The dads deserved it, sure, but what about their sons? How embarrassing it must be for them to have their dad told he needs to leave the facility.
I have watched many incidents of parents yelling at kids in ways that would get them thrown out if the vitriol were directed at a ref. Maybe it is time for the refs to take control before the game, and let these loudmouthed parents know that bad conduct will cost their team a penalty or three.